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Re: Prince Akkarn - Chapter Two now posted.
Looks like you need some critique! Prince Akkarn awoke to the familiar sounds of war, the echoes of the enemy’s canons audible from the opposite side of the Kingdom. Cannons ...
Feb 25, 2007 -
Re: Spirit Caller #1
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter One: Second Part Critique ---------------------------------------------
Feb 24, 2007 -
Re: Angelsea I: The Last Sentinel (posted a bit of ch 2)
Standing between her was a blood stained door, unlocked by a simple wave and the door creaked open. Hmmm, I’d replace the ‘and’ with a full stop to break up ...
Feb 23, 2007 -
Re: Fragments: Misdirecting Chaos
“We haven’t went through with it yet, but it will be soon.” He proclaimed almost embarrassingly. “I take it that Kaldel and Takia will be joining us soon?” I think ...
Feb 23, 2007 -
Re: Unnamed (Over 16. Graphic violence and strong language)
Wow, violent! I'd recommend paragraphing it with double returns so that the text is easier to read. The night was very cold. The streets were covered with black ice and ...
Feb 22, 2007 -
Re: Drago Fire
Errr, can you please proof read this (by reading aloud or to a friend/family member) and correct some of the typos. Also, run a spell check (which you can do ...
Feb 22, 2007 -
Re: The Impossible Dream
Ooooh! Nice! fading from the deep golden colour that had seeped in to them I think you want 'into' there. His gaze was drawn to the Crystal in the centre ...
Feb 10, 2007 -
Re: Snow White - from an interesting point of view
- and it's all lies. Probably do better as 'its all lies!' Sorry, I regress. Sorry, I digress? it was my sisters' If there is only one sister it should ...
Feb 10, 2007